What you know is what I've shown you.
I mean why would I lay out all my struggles and insecurities to a complete stranger, right?
Hm, maybe the bigger question is well why the hell not?
I’m imperfectly perfect,
I’m learning, and
whatever that means, but we all seem to be doing it.
In no way do I fit your standards.
Yet, in every way I fit my own.
Sure, from the looks of my Insta and resume you might think:
Okay, she’s a writer.
Alright, she does well in school.
She’s passionate about her career in health care.
She's loves painting on her free time.
She usually jumps in-front of the camera any chance she gets.
Etc., Etc., Etc.,
What you don’t see is what’s most important.
It’s the challenges, lessons, and traits that’ve made me into me.
What you don’t see is:
She didn’t know how to efficiently read or write for five years until she was diagnosed with dyslexia and got the proper help she needed to be successful.
What you don’t see is that this obstacle makes her give 110% in everything and anything that has to do with school.
What you don’t see is she’s a writer because it was ingrained into her to write anything and everything down throughout nearly a year of eating disorder treatment as a way to work through her triggering thoughts.
What you don’t see is that same disorder made her so passionate about nursing that she couldn't imagine a role more perfect for herself.
What you don’t see is she enjoys to paint because it’s the one trait that she loves from her father despite his absence in her life.
What you don’t see is her camera roll that has a million of the same photos in which she decided one that is angled just right to hide the small bump in the middle of her nose.
(Obviously, she’s still working on the self confidence part).
What you don’t know is that this can go on forever… there are many parts of me you don’t know but will continue to as you read.
To dig deeper is to not generalize, it is to understand that:
Yes, although I seem well put together at times, I’m not.
I’m human, perfectly imperfectly.
Here’s a way for you, whoever you are, to get to see more than my instagram feed. This is for me to share my thoughts, my struggles, my tips and tricks.
This is me,
Payton Nicolle Gillis.